


Together.

by TheMuchTooMerryMaiden



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Community: lewis_challenge, Getting Together, Multi, Non-traditional romance, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 04:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3105380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMuchTooMerryMaiden/pseuds/TheMuchTooMerryMaiden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robbie and Laura are finally tying the knot...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Together.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xfdryad](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=xfdryad).



It was hot and loud and Robbie Lewis was over the other side of the room and just for a moment DI James Hathaway let himself feel. It wasn’t like he’d ever really thought that he and Lewis would come to anything, and that was even after Feardorcha, even after he’d admitted to himself that there was anything to feel. That said, as the years went on and the two of them had remained so close, and Lewis never seemed to show any interest in anyone, he’d come to rely on the two of them being, well, the two of them. And then Lewis and Laura had finally got together and it had been like being eviscerated, slowly and with a blunt knife.

He really was glad for the two of them, they were his two closest friends, they worked well together and them getting married was the natural conclusion, and all in all James wished that he’d joined a monastery on his not-a-pilgrimage.

He turned to see Hooper bustling towards him, two pints in his hands,

“Get that into you, guv, that was a good speech even if you didn’t tell us any incriminating stories!”

James was on the point of politely refusing when he actually thought about it and concluded that if there was ever a time to get drunk, it was when you had no hope left,

“Cheers!” he said, and he was sure he was convincing from the look on Hooper’s face, “I can’t believe they’ve finally done it after all this time,”

“I know!” Hooper responded beerily, “I thought he must have sworn off women completely, and then all of a sudden there he goes. You should have seen her when she first took over as the pathologist,” he continued, clearly in the mood to reminisce, “Tiny slip of a thing she was, Morse nearly had a conniption fit, always wanted to be the gallant knight in shining armour he did, but she put ‘im straight.”

“Yes,” James replied, “I think we’ve all had her do that to us over the years,”

“’appen he likes that,” Hooper continued turning to look at where Lewis and his bride were moving from table to table talking to their guests. James didn’t like the insinuation but he didn’t want to pick a fight tonight,

“One can only suppose so,” he said, “Sorry, Alec, but I just need to go and have a word with the bridesmaid.”

 

Having said it of course he had to do it so he cut across the room to where Ellen Jacoby was talking to Jean Innocent.

“Hi,” James said as he approached, “do me a favour and make it look like we’re discussing something important, I needed to get away from Hooper who wants to reminisce about the old days.” James tried for a smile and it seemed to have fooled Ellen but he had little hope it would work on Innocent.

“As my Yorkshire grandmother would say,” Innocent said, “he’s supped some stuff. Was he telling any interesting stories?”

“Not really,” James said, pausing to take a long pull at his pint, “just going on about how Robbie must like being bossed around if he’s marrying Laura.”

Ellen objected to that characterisation of her friend,

“Laura’s not like that,” she said, her eyebrows rising towards her hair line and then standing straighter, ready to pick a fight. James held up a placating hand,

“I know,” he said at the same time that Innocent said,

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about when he’s sober, let alone when he’s been drinking, not worth getting wound up about, and James, that’s not to be repeated.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” James replied before he drained the rest of the pint that Hooper had given him.

“My turn to get them in,” Innocent continued, “G and T?” she asked Ellen, receiving a nod of agreement, “And you James? Another pint?”

A second’s thought revealed to James that physical capacity would stop him from getting as drunk as he wanted if he stuck to pints,

“G and T would be lovely,”

Innocent gave him a brief measuring look and turned in the direction of the bar leaving James with Ellen Jacoby and without an idea of what to say to her. She took the matter out of his hands,

“We’ve got a lot in common, you and I,” she stated,

When James looked at her quizzically, she continued,

“The ones we love, love Laura instead. And just to make life complete, she’s so nice with it, I can’t even hate her, and I’ve tried.” She looked up at him and despite her encouraging smile James wanted to deny that he knew what she was talking about. In the end he didn’t though,

“I have to tell myself that him being happy is what’s important, I’m sorry that you don’t even have that.”

For a second she looked like he’d slapped her but she quickly recovered,

“No, but then again, I don’t have to see Alec with Laura, I only have to ‘play nice’ with Laura and it’s not her fault that Alec never wanted to know, she didn’t encourage him.” It was said with a smile and James wanted to believe that it wasn’t being said in malice but his gut was telling him different,

“It’s nobody’s fault,” he replied, “I want him to be happy,” he lost track of his words staring at the two of them together laughing and talking with their guests,

“It’s just that you wanted him to be happy with you.” Ellen completed the thought for him but James was spared from replying by Innocent’s arrival with the drinks. Conversation turned to more general topics, how nice the wedding had been, how beautiful the flowers had been, how cute Robbie’s grand-daughter was acting at the ring bearer and more of the same. James drained his glass and as he looked round himself for somewhere to put the empty glass, Innocent took it out of his hands,

“Come on, Inspector, show me your moves, let’s dance, if someone doesn’t start before long it won’t have been worth them hiring a place with a dance floor.”

James was going to refuse and then he suddenly thought, _why not_ , and he held out his hand to her, he could see the surprise, quickly covered over and followed by a genuine smile.

James knew that he could dance and he also knew that Innocent wouldn’t be expecting that. He navigated the two of them towards the floor and the DJ who had been more than aware that he’d largely been flogging a dead horse up until now changed to something slightly slower and more old-fashioned. James was aware of Innocent relaxing somewhat at the music and pulled her in close as they circled the other dancers. It felt good the two of them moving together, just the feel of her body against his was appealing even though it made James ponder the fact that he wasn’t even that good at being gay.

They were at the far side of the dance floor when the music finished and Jean pulled him towards some seats in a dark corner gesturing him to sit down and pushing up next to him when he did.

“Are you OK?” she asked and James reflected that one always knew where one was with Innocent at least,

“I’m fine,” he replied, knowing exactly what sort of raised eyebrow sceptical expression he would receive in return and then continued, “Really, I’m OK. I’m not going to pretend that it wasn’t a shock when they got together, but this, well it’s just the natural sequel to them getting together. He’s all about the commitment is Robbie.”

“You need to find yourself someone,” Innocent continued,

“Yeah, that’s what he said a couple of years ago, it’s not that simple though, is it?” For a moment James considered asking after Mr Innocent and why no one ever saw him but making someone else miserable was not going to make him feel any better.

“No,” Innocent acknowledged, “it’s not easy, but if you don’t put yourself out there it will never happen.”

James slumped a little,

“I know you’re right, but,” he paused and then thought _what the Hell_ , “I don’t want anyone else.”

“There’s a lot of someone-elses out there, you haven’t met them all, you could try a few you know.”

It was said with an encouraging smile, but James didn’t feel encouraged, he felt like he wanted to be left alone, wanted the conversation to be over,

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.

And of course when he got her a drink he got another for himself and a whisky that he drank at the bar before he went back to Innocent. He’d been sure that she’d want to continue their conversation, but she took one look at him, stifled a sigh and moved the conversation onto far more neutral topics. Strangely, James didn’t know whether he was grateful or not. Twice this evening he’d spoken of his feelings for Robbie and in some ways it was a good feeling, right up until he allowed himself to think about how Robbie would feel if he knew.

 

A couple of hours later James was well and truly plastered and, he thought, not feeling any better for it, which was annoying. He’d managed to dodge the happy couple quite well for the bulk of the night but as they came towards him at that point he found his escape routes well and truly blocked. He smiled broadly, hoping against hope that they’d drunk enough to be fooled.

“Here he is,” Robbie said, and James could tell by the volume alone that he had been drinking, “Mi’ best man!”

Laura rolled her eyes slightly and spoke,

“We’ve kept missing you all night, are you having a good time?”

James pushed down his feelings as far as the alcohol would let him, not nearly drunk enough for ‘in vino veritas’,

“Of course!” he replied, trying for a genuine smile,

“Well, then,” Laura continued, “it’s time you and me danced. Robbie, Ellen’s over there,” she pointed out where her bridesmaid was being cornered by Peterson, “Go and rescue her while I trip the light fantastic with James.”

James couldn’t come up with the words to refuse, not without saying vastly more than he wanted to, after all he’d always liked Laura right up until the green-eyed monster had overtaken him. He followed her to the dance floor, at least it was a fast number, he thought, but of course as soon as they got to the dance floor the DJ turned to a much slower number and Laura pulled him close.

He just couldn’t relax, not holding Laura, not with all the harsh thoughts he’d had over the last few months and that made him clumsy and horribly aware of how tiny she was, how not male she was and most of all how she was what Robbie wanted, not him. He could feel his eyes prickling.

After a few more bars she looked up at him,

“I’m sorry, James.”

James blushed instantly but still felt the need to deny that he knew what she was talking about,

“Sorry for what? It’s not you treading on _my_ toes,”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it. I won’t take him away from you. I know I wasn’t that happy when he went back to work, but when I saw the difference it made to both of you, well I knew then that it was stupid for me even to think of separating you.”

“I didn’t want him to come back, you know that don’t you?”

“Yes, but it is better now that he has isn’t it?”

James wanted to lie, wanted to say, ‘No, it’s a pain and a liberty,’ wanted to say, ‘No, it’s a bloody insult, what did he think that I’m not good enough to do the job without him?’ but he couldn’t,

“Yes, I love our working together.”

There he thought, the truth and nothing but the truth, but certainly not the whole truth.

“Well, then, I won’t take him away from you, I’m not sure he’d be him without you.”

James’ reply was out before he had consciously thought about it,

“I’m certainly not me without him.”

“There you go then, I hope we’ll see you as often as possible, for a start off you’re a better cook than the two of us put together.”

 

James got through the rest of the evening without embarrassing himself too much, he still continued to drink steadily, hoping but not expecting that the alcohol would dull the pain, and was glad that he’d booked a room at the hotel. When it got to time for the happy couple to leave (also to a room in the hotel, but James was sworn to secrecy, some of the members of the force present had a somewhat third-form sense of humour), James managed to plaster a smile across his features and clapped and cheered when one of the DCs caught the bouquet, then despite the booked room as quickly and as quietly as he could he left, walking home, trying to clear his head, trying to hold himself together even though he felt like he’d been hollowed out.

 

Three months later it hadn’t got any better and he didn’t know why. _It’s not any different_ he told himself, _I didn’t have him before, and I don’t have him now, what’s the difference?_ He knew what the answer was though, _I don’t have hope now_. Worst of all it seemed like Robbie was noticing that there was something the matter, that he wasn’t the same as he had been. 

A number of times James had caught Robbie staring at him with a speculative look on his face, a look that James was more than familiar with, Robbie trying to work something out, and as James knew from experience a lot more often than not when Robbie tried to work something out he managed it. James decided that his only possible defence was to avoid the newly-weds as much as he possibly could. It was difficult though, Robbie didn’t give up on the invitations and looked more and more put out each time James plead a previous engagement. In his more hysterical moment James considered that he would have to grow his hair long so that he could use the ‘I’m washing my hair’ excuse.

He’d turned down another invitation just that day and as a consequence he was sat in his flat if not exactly with the lights out with only a table lamp, morosely strumming at his guitar, slumped in a way that was going to make his shoulder ache for days. The whole thing reminded him of hiding from the rent man after they’d moved from Crevecoeur and before he went away to school. When someone hammered at the door he jumped so badly that he nearly lost hold of the guitar. _They’ll go away_ he thought but the persistent knocking continued until he knew it would be beginning to disturb the neighbours so he got up, leaning the guitar against the sofa cushions and went to answer the door.

When he opened it he wished that he’d used the spyhole and decided to bugger what the neighbours thought, that way he wouldn’t have had to deal with Robbie when he felt this wretched and this underprepared.

“So this is you at a band practice is it?” Robbie was speaking as soon as the door was open even a crack, “Got a solo have you?”

It was clear that he was annoyed and in turn this sparked an answering anger in James,

“What’s it to you?” he asked, not moving aside to allow Robbie into the hall.

“What’s it to me when you’re purposely avoiding me? I would have thought that was bloody obvious!”

“I’m not,” James began, but confronted with Robbie like this he found he suddenly couldn’t lie anymore, “all right, so what if I am?” _There_ , he thought, _I’ve admitted it_ , but he felt no relief merely a sickening feeling that this was really the beginning of the end, 

“So? I want to know why, I want to know what I’ve done.”

James actually laughed at that,

“You really don’t know?” he managed, choking off the words that wanted to follow that question and making one last attempt to get Robbie to leave him alone, “Just leave it will you? Take the bloody hint!”

Robbie straightened up at that, clearly upset by the words, but after a moment his expression cleared a little and reformed itself into a look that James recognised from a hundred interrogations, Robbie Lewis in terrier mode, chasing an elusive truth,

“I never was any good at taking a hint,” he said, “so I think you’ll need to tell me straight out.” He moved forward and for a moment James stood his ground blocking the door way, “I’m coming in whether or not,” Robbie continued and there was an implacability that James recognised. He knew that if he’d really wanted to he could have stopped Robbie from getting over the doorstep but it would have been undignified and more than likely Robbie would have ended up getting injured and James would really not take the chance of that happening, so he stepped out of the way and ended up following Robbie back into his living room.

Robbie flicked the main light switch as he went into the room and James was left stood in the doorway to the room blinking in the suddenly bright light. Robbie turned to look at him,

“What the hell is going on, James?” Robbie asked with a gesture that took in the empty glasses (at least James consoled himself he was still using glasses time enough to worry when he wasn’t), the general mess and the overflowing ashtray, “This isn’t like you,” he continued in a quieter voice.

“I don’t think you know what is ‘like me’,” James replied. He took a deep breath and continued, “I’m fine, I just need to do a bit of tidying up, it’s been a long couple of weeks, you know how it is.”

“I know how it used to be,” Robbie replied, “I know that when we’d had one of those ‘long couple of weeks’ then we’d deal with it together, not you on your own in the dark!”

“It’s different now,” James began, “you have Laura, and I’m more than capable of looking after myself,”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Robbie replied as he looked once again around the untidy room, “Is that what this is all about, Laura?”

James really wanted to deny it, but he found that he couldn’t, mostly because all at once he couldn’t be bothered,

“Did you really expect that nothing would change? It was always going to change, you have someone to go home to, someone you chose rather than someone you had foisted on you, you should be working through your bad weeks at work with her, and I,” he swallowed, horribly afraid that he was going to make a complete fool of himself, “I have to get used to dealing with this stuff on my own. I won’t be a third-wheel charity case.” His voice rose towards the end of the sentence and to his own ears it sounded harsh and angry.

“What?” Robbie asked, “What have we ever done to make you feel like that?”

“Why wouldn’t I feel like that?” James responded, “I am, after all.” James took a deep breath trying to calm himself, “Listen, Robbie, I was bound to feel like this, I’ll sort myself out, I just need a little time.”

“Time for what?” Robbie asked, his voice quiet.

James wanted to answer, he really wanted to answer, to tell Robbie it all, to stop holding back, but he feared that Robbie would be nice about it all, would tell him that he was sorry that he couldn’t return James’ feelings in that way, that it didn’t have to make any difference, that he’d soon find someone else and it would all turn out to be lies and false hope. James realised that Robbie had been staring at him the whole time, waiting for an answer. He said the first thing that came into his head,

“Are you really that clueless?” It came out harsh and James could hear the incredulity in his own voice. Robbie looked at him like he’d just be slapped and for reasons that he couldn’t identify James felt his anger rising, “You really don’t know do you? Well maybe this will give you a clue, and with that he took two steps towards Robbie, cupped one hand behind his head and drew him into a kiss.

For a second every muscle in Robbie’s body tensed and James was sure that he was going to get a well-deserved punch but then just as suddenly Robbie’s hands fell to James’ waist and pulled him close, kissing him back.

James was shocked for a second, but very soon he broke off rational thought, his focus narrowing down to the feel of Robbie’s lips, Robbie’s hands tightening on his hips, drawing them even closer together, the shift of the muscles in Robbie’s shoulders as James’ hands drifted down his back.

When they broke apart both of them were breathless and they ended up in a hug with James resting his head on Robbie’s shoulder, still held close,

“Oh, James,” Robbie said, the words an almost breathless whisper, “why the hell couldn’t you have said something sooner?”

James didn’t know if it was a rhetorical question but he answered anyway, 

“I never thought you’d be interested, I’m sorry.”

“So am I.” James could hear the genuine regret, knew that the loyal man he held in his hands would not walk away from his commitment to his new wife.

 

Eventually they stepped away from each other both of them coming to the conclusion at the same time that some time limit had been passed and wordlessly James walked into the kitchen and began to make them both a cup of tea. How irredeemably English James thought to himself. 

When he got back into the living room Robbie was sat on one side of the sofa leaning forward with his elbows on his knees but he looked up with at least an attempt at a smile as James came in. James put the mug down in front of him, returning the smile but still not speaking, scared to start the conversation that would be the complete beginning of the end. Instead, his own brew in his hands he sat down sideways on the opposite end of the sofa, so that he could see at least Robbie’s profile and waited for Robbie to speak.

“How long?” Robbie began,

“Since the Mallory-Hayward case, probably since before that, but really, how long since I knew myself what I wanted, what I was never going to have?”

Robbie inclined his head and James continued, noting that Robbie hadn’t argued with ‘what I was never going to have’, “Since I woke up in hospital when you rescued me from the fire.”

James was watching closely enough that he could see the shudder run through Robbie at the mention of that case.

“I really thought I’d lost you for a while there,” Robbie said, his voice low, “I thought I was going to be too late and all I could hear was me telling you to go away, that I didn’t want to see you and the panic that maybe it was going to come true.” He paused, taking a pull at his tea, before he spoke again, “Oh, James, man, I wish you’d said something.”

“How could I have said anything?” James asked, careful to keep any anger he might be feeling from showing in his voice, “You never gave any indication that you were even remotely interested in blokes and there was always this undercurrent bubbling away between you and Laura, and I’d never even admitted to myself that I could love another man.”

“Love is never wrong,” Robbie quoted quietly, almost to himself, “But what about the thing with the magazine and the chocolate bar?” Robbie asked,

“I couldn’t cope. It seemed a safer bet, I couldn’t believe that you would reciprocate, better to close down that part of my life, tuck it away and leave it to grow dusty and wither.”

“And what was she called? Scarlet?”

James winced at the memory,

“This is going to sound weak, but that was her idea and I really wanted to not feel like I did,” he paused contemplating what had happened, “I really wanted to be able to be normal.”

“You are normal, soft lad,” Robbie replied with a brief smile before James could see that he was putting pieces together in his mind, “so you’re not totally repulsed by women, then?”

James sat up straighter, this was what he’d been afraid of,

“Please don’t start again with the ‘you need to find someone,’ I have found my ‘someone’, the fact that I can’t have him doesn’t make that less true. Please don’t try and let me down easy or anything like that, that’s the thing I really couldn’t stand.”

Robbie looked back at his rapidly cooling brew and reached forward to pick it up. James watched the bobbing of his Adam’s apple as he drank it down.

“What about you? You never once gave any indication and yet, tell me I wasn’t reading too much into your ‘why couldn’t you have said something sooner’?”

“No, lad, you weren’t. I’m not exclusively anything, a bit like you I gather, I take a shine to particular people, I suppose, I love who I love and it doesn’t matter whether they’re male or female. Not that it happens often,” he continued, “Just Val and you and Laura, really”

“There’s a name for that,” James replied, covering his surprise that he was one of such a small number of people. At Robbie’s raised eyebrow he continued, “Pan-sexual.” He stopped speaking. Trying to realise how close he’d come, how his own preconceptions and insecurities had cost him everything he’d wanted. At the moment he couldn’t even decide whether it was better or worse that what he’d felt about Robbie hadn’t been unreciprocated. Eventually, Robbie spoke,

“I’m going to have to tell Laura,” he said, and James felt a jolt of adrenaline shoot through him, a feeling of panic,

“Surely not,” he replied quickly, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have kissed you, but I won’t do it again, there’s no need to upset things, surely?”

“It’s not as simple as that,” Robbie replied with a tired-looking smile and a shake of his head, “She’s been worried about you too, you know,”

“Yes, I thought so,” at Robbie’s look of enquiry he continued, “just something she said at the wedding reception, that she wouldn’t take you away from me. I doubt this is what she had in mind.”

“It’s not even just that,” Robbie continued with a sigh, “I didn’t want it to just stop with a kiss tonight, I really didn’t.”

“Neither did I,” James replied, “but you wouldn’t do that to Laura, I know that. I really will be all right you know,” he said aware that he wasn’t sounding as convincing as he would have liked, “I’ve been living with this for years, I know now that you marrying Laura doesn’t alter that, I just need to get my head straight.”

 

James had seen Robbie out that night and gone back to the living room, taking in how it must have looked to Robbie when he’d come in and used up some of his nervous energy in tidying the place up. After a couple of hours the place was spotless and he was no nearer knowing what he should do. His gut reaction was to quit his job and disappear but he’d done that once and it hadn’t taken, coppering was what he was good at, the only place where his particular set of skills added up to the ones needed for the work. Going back to academe had really not worked and going back to religion had been no better, but he was good at police work and besides that what would it do to Robbie if he knew that James had quit because of him. No, he’d have to stick to it and try and recapture the way he’d been before, focusing on enjoying the time he did spend with Robbie instead of repining about the things they didn’t share. He needed to take control of himself that was for sure and that would start by resolutely getting a night’s sleep.

 

CID was going through a quiet patch at the moment which was a good thing by any objective standard, obviously people not being murdered was a good thing and it meant that Robbie was off helping one of the other DIs while he and Maddox put the finishing touches to a couple of cases. As such he didn’t see Robbie other than at a safe distance for the next couple of days and he tried hard to tell himself it was a good thing and tried even harder not to try and work out how Robbie was, how the conversation with Laura had gone. In fact to speak to he saw Laura first, when the calm broke and he and Lizzie were sent to a suspicious at 9.30 on Wednesday morning.

Laura was already there, diligently crouched over the corpse and it occurred to James to send Lizzie over on her own but instead he squared his shoulders and the two of them walked over together. Expressions fought for territory on Laura’s face, anger and sadness and anger again, before professionalism took over and she became expressionless as she took them through her preliminary findings,

“She’s been dead for about twelve hours, and probably dead to the world for some time before that if the smell of alcohol is anything to go by. There doesn’t seem to be any ID on her, but I’ll let you have photographs to circulate as soon as I can.” She stood up, unconsciously rubbing her hands down the side of her scene suit, and continued, “I’m not actually at this point sure she’s any of your business, the injuries I’ve been able to catalogue so far could be consistent to staggering around while more than half-cut. I’ll be doing the PM this afternoon and I think, DI Hathaway that I would like you there, it’s time you had a refresher course, I’ll see you at 2.30?” It was put as a question but it was clear to James that it was nothing of the sort and while he wished that they could have their conversation not over the innards of some poor unfortunate it would be good to have the blow fall rather than dreading it.

 

When it got to 2.00 and James stood up to go to the PM, Lizzie got up to accompany him. I should have expected that he thought, rapidly coming up with an excuse why he should go on his own,

“No point both of us going to the PM,” he said with a grimace that he hoped was convincing, “from what Dr Hobson said this morning it might be nothing more than accidental death anyway. Could you call round the local nicks and check one more time whether they’ve had any one reported missing? I shouldn’t think I’ll be too long and I should know then whether this is something we can just pass on to uniform.”

“OK, gov,” she replied, the relief at not attending the PM very obvious and James trusted enough for her not to question his motive for giving her other work to do. There was no avoiding it for him, time to face her, time to own up to his betrayal of their friendship.

 

The body from this morning was on the slab when James arrived and Laura was about to start her incision when he entered after putting on a clean scene suit and mask. It wasn’t how he would choose to meet her but it was the regulations.

“Ah, DI Hathaway,” she said in the same tone he’d heard her use over and over through the years he’d known her, “just in time. I ran a blood alcohol earlier, or it might be more accurate to say I’d run an alcohol blood level, she was about five times over the drink-drive limit, so it is entirely possible that she just injured herself, I’ll know better when I open her up. Did you get anywhere with the ID?”

“No, as far as we can tell no one’s been reported missing that even slightly fits her description. How old would you say she was?” If she could play the unconcerned game then so could he,

“Somewhere between 18 and 25,” Laura replied, “Could easily be a student, have you sent her picture round the porters?”

“Uniform should be doing that right about now.”

Laura worked her way methodically through the PM, the way that James had seen her do more times than James really cared to recall. He was, as he usually was, struck by how competent and dextrous she was. Everything was done with precision and care, no faltering, no hesitation at all. Despite that though, at least in James’ mind the tension was building and he kept finding himself on the point of starting a meaningless conversation with her. Finally he did say something,

“Why did you go into pathology? You have such a delicate touch, such surety, like a surgeon.”

She looked up at him eyebrows raised and James was relieved to realise that there was no particular animosity in the look she gave him,

“Well, my patients don’t require a good bedside manner,” she began, “but mostly, at the time I qualified female surgeons were still rarer than hen’s teeth. I thought about it and I decided that I wasn’t up to the fight.” James didn’t know what to say to that as Laura redirected her attention to the woman on the slab, but after a while she spoke again, “So you’re not the only one who was too chicken to chance their hand.”

James flushed, and the apology he’d been formulating all morning rushed to his lips,

“I’m sorr…”

She interrupted him, her words fast and somehow fierce,

“Not here and not now. You’ve paid your debt to pathology for the moment. Go through to my office I’ll be along in a few minutes because we most definitely need to talk.”

 

James knew where her office was of course, he’d sat in there often enough on his own and with Robbie over the years and even before that, although DI Knox as he was then more often sent him on his own. He stripped the paper coverall off himself, ducking out into the corridor to find a bin, and then sat down and composed himself to wait.

True to her word, Laura wasn’t long, not nearly long enough for James to work out what he was going to say, or even what he ought to say. As soon as she walked into the small office he could see she was in business mode, even though she’d taken the time to change out of her scrubs and into street clothes,

“I didn’t find anything to suggest that this wasn’t just a drinking binge with an unfortunate end. She drank a lot, an amazing amount when you consider her age, and had done for quite a long time. We’re routinely seeing cirrhosis at an earlier and earlier age but she really had gone for it.”

“Was it actually alcohol poisoning that was the COD?” James asked, relieved to have the stock questions to fall back on,

“Fifty-fifty. She hit her head falling, but if she hadn’t then it’s probable that the alcohol would have got her and of course if she hadn’t been so drunk she probably wouldn’t have hit her head when she fell. There were no signs of sexual activity, let alone sexual assault, so if it’s some comfort nobody came across her dead-drunk or dead and took advantage.”

“And you’re sure that no one bashed her head for her?” 

“Well there’s no bruising that is not accounted for by the way she fell, I’d expect finger marks if someone thumped her head on the floor or similar and with her blood in the state it was in she would and did bruise like a ripe peach.” She paused for a moment clearly searching for the right words before she finished up, “Just another bloody awful story in the not very big city.”

“Thanks,” James replied and then he stopped speaking, completely out of ideas as to what he should say next. Laura made the decision for him,

“And now we need to talk, don’t we. You can buy me a drink down the road.”

She didn’t wait for an answer, merely collecting up her jacket from the back of her chair and pushing the door open leaving him to follow behind her.

 

When they got to the pub Laura went and found them a table, hopefully in a quiet corner James thought, wishing the weather was good enough for them to drink outside, while he got himself a half of bitter and her a large G&T.

Turning from the bar, with one drink in either hand he spotted Laura, indeed in a corner and he realised she looked tired and worried. The feeling of self-loathing that went through him almost made him stagger. How could he have done this to either of them? He squared his shoulders though and walked over to the table.

“Here you go, large G&T.”

“I see you’re only on a half, though,” she replied, “taking tips from this afternoon’s PM, Robbie said you’d been drinking more than usual.” It was said lightly but James could hear the undercurrent of concern, if anything it made him feel even worse,

“I suppose I have been drinking a bit more, but this is more about keeping a clear head while I try and convince you that I’m worth forgiving.”

Laura leant forward and took her drink from him, took a sip, put it down and looked up at him,

“Well, sit down, then.”

He did, putting his glass down untouched, sitting hunched over, elbows on his knees, hands clasped in the space between his knees,

“What do you want to know?”

“Well,” she said, considering, “how did it begin.”

“I’m not sure there’s an ‘it’ that can have been said to begin,” he started looking down, but when he glanced up and saw her raised eyebrows, he faltered, and she spoke,

“I know that nothing has happened,” she stated, “I know,” and there was a slight emphasis on the verb, “that Robbie would never do anything like that, and I don’t think you would either or presumably you’d have done it what, years ago?”

James nodded his agreement,

“What I want to know is how long have you been feeling like this?”

James told her, told her everything and felt nothing but relief at telling someone and more particularly someone who, weirdly would understand. He was at pains to make it clear that Robbie had never had any idea, that in the early days he’d had no idea himself and she seemed to be believing what he was saying. James began to hope, just a little, that he might not have smashed things up beyond hope of repair. When he finally stopped speaking, she picked up her glass and drained it.

“Well, I suppose on some levels I can’t fault you, I have to at least allow that you have good taste, but for fuck’s sake I wish you’d had the balls to say something before we got together. Oh, don’t look like that,” she continued, “I’m not about to make any rash decisions. I love Robbie and I know that he loves me,” James wanted to interrupt and confirm that but he could see that she did know and that it would somehow be wrong for him to tell her what Robbie had said, “We, me and Robbie, are going to have to talk about this and then we are going to have to talk about this.” She stopped speaking, looking straight at James, intently as if she was trying to decipher something from his face,  
“I can’t say that I’m happy about this,” she said and her voice was level, “in fact it’s taken me until now to get to just angry, I’m afraid that Robbie rather caught it in the neck when he told me that you’d kissed,” James had to interrupt at this,

“That wasn’t his idea,” James began but she didn’t let him continue,

“No, but he didn’t exactly run screaming, did he? He told me it all, James, do you think I’d be concerned if he didn’t reciprocate your feelings? I’ve known how you felt about him for years, the only new information is that he feels something similar and I’ll be honest with you I’m not sure I can deal with that.” She stood up, and briefly rested her hand on his shoulder, “Can you give us both some time?”

James knew he was being warned off but he’d expected that at the very least,

“Look, I’ll go away, you two shouldn’t have to deal with this,”

“You’re not listening,” she said firmly, “we do all of us have to deal with this, you didn’t see him when you were away on his pilgrimage, I don’t want my jealousy to cost him whatever it is he has with you, but I’m not sure whether I can deal with it or not.”

“And I don’t want to be a home breaker,”

Laura laughed at that, softening her reaction by again grasping his arm and giving him a genuine smile,

“Sometimes you’re so delightfully old-fashioned. One of us will give you a call when Robbie and I have had chance to talk and I’ve worked out what the hell I think about this whole thing, is that OK? You mustn’t do anything precipitate, I don’t want to hear that you’ve joined a closed order or anything, OK?” she swallowed before she continued, “I think that would break his heart.”

 

James’ trip back to the nick passed in a haze as he struggled with what he thought about his and Laura’s conversation, as he struggled with how much he was upsetting the two people he cared most about. He very much wanted to run away but Laura’s parting words had effectively stopped him being able to do that. What they hadn’t done was left him able to decide what was for the best; even if today’s suspicious turned out to be an accidental, the next case would come up and everyone and he meant everyone would notice if he was investigating and Robbie wasn’t. In the end he decided that if there was nothing to investigate with the mystery woman he would ask Innocent for a week’s leave. He had plenty built up and he was ‘between cases’. That would give Laura the time she’d asked for and Robbie the time he really needed.

As he walked into the outer office he was searching for Lewis at once, as he always did. He was stood at the desk of one of the DCs and he looked up as soon as James was fully through the door,

“James, come here a second.”

James did as he was bid, walking over to look at the monitor on the desk,

“What have you got?” he asked, hoping that he sounded ‘normal’ whatever the hell that was.

“Uniform have been taking the picture of your Jane Doe around the colleges and the porter at St Hilda’s reckons he knows her.”

“One of the students?” James asked,

“No, one of the catering staff, or at least she was until recently, they let her go due to her drinking stopping her getting to work on time and in a fit state. What did Laura have to say?”

“Very similar, she was a habitual heavy drinker and that there was nothing to suggest that she hadn’t just fallen and brained herself while intoxicated.”

“That’s good then,” Robbie replied and James saw him blush as he realised what he’d said, “What I mean is that at least she wasn’t murdered, it’s still a stupid waste, but she wasn’t murdered.”

“No, you’re right, it is better,” James agreed, “has someone traced her next of kin?”

“Aye,” Robbie replied, “Lizzie’s gone round, she’ll take them to view the body and then we’ll know for definite whether it’s her or not.”

“Good enough,” James replied, “Could I have a word?”

Robbie looked up at him clearly wondering what James wanted, but he didn’t ask the question he merely followed James to his office.

“What’s up?” he asked once the door was shut,

“Nothing, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to ask Innocent for a week or so off.” James stopped speaking but when he took in the concerned look that crossed Robbie’s face he began to speak again, “It’s nothing sinister it’s just that Laura seemed to need time to think and that then you and her needed to talk before she could think her way through this thing. Not really sure what it’ll achieve, I can’t see how she’s going to want anything other than me out of the way.” Again he stopped speaking unable to frame the question he wanted to ask Robbie.

“How did she seem?” Robbie asked, and James could see no reason not to answer straightforwardly, 

“Sad, worried, slightly bemused? Did you have tell her that you’d reciprocated when I kissed you?”

“Of course I did!” Robbie replied, his voice raised slightly, “What would have been the point of saying anything if I wasn’t going to tell her the important bit?” It was all James could do to prevent himself taking a step back,

“That was the important bit?” he asked,

“It was all of it important, but there wouldn’t have been much to tell her, I wouldn’t have told her probably, but,” he paused and James thought he was struggling for the word he wanted, “well, if you don’t tell your wife when you’re attracted to someone else, well, then, you might as well be cheating on her.”

“I’m sorry, Robbie, I truly didn’t mean to upset everything so much,”

“Aye, I know you didn’t, if I hadn’t pushed at you to know what was up you’d just have suffered in silence, but there’s the thing, I don’t want you to suffer.”

James smiled but he was aware that it was a wistful thing,

“I’m going to take a week off,” he began but Robbie interrupted him,

“You’re not going to disappear on me, are you?”

“No,” he replied hurriedly, “nothing like that, I just think it would be best if we weren’t working together while Laura thinks her way through this, it’s bound to be more difficult if you’re going home talking about me at work, and I’ve already made things difficult enough for her.”

Robbie took a step backwards and sat on the edge of his desk,

“Aye, I suppose you’re right, but,” he paused but James thought he knew what Robbie had been going to say,

“I promise I’ll be around when Laura’s had time to think, just like I promise that if she can’t cope with the idea of our being around each other I’ll make myself scarce.” He stopped speaking when he saw the expression on Robbie’s face, swallowed and forced himself to continue, “That’s what I’ll have to do, you know that don’t you?”

“Aye, but you won’t go far?”

“Probably just ask for a transfer,” James replied, “I want to stay in the force, but there are other stations after all.”

 

Innocent hadn’t argued with James’ request for time off, their case had indeed turned out not to be a case and a place had come up on a training course that DS Maddox could usefully take up,

“Have you got anything planned?” she asked,

“No, just need a break, read a bit, recharge my batteries, you know how it is.” James was aware that he sounded like he was flannelling because he was. He shut up, not wanting to give anything away to her,

“Well, you’ve been looking a bit peaky,” she replied, “make sure you come back well rested, OK?”

“I’ll do my best ma’am,” was James’ reply.

He did do his best but by Tuesday he realised that he’d been on edge solidly since he’d left the nick on the previous Friday night; he just couldn’t see a way that this wasn’t going to come out with him away from Oxford (away from Robbie) and while he realised that it was necessary he hated the thought. Then there was the waiting, waiting for a phone call or a knock at the door that would be effectively his marching orders. Consequently when the knock at the door finally came he jumped markedly before standing up, putting his guitar carefully up against the bookcase in the corner and finally going to answer the door.

He’d expected that it would be Robbie, which he realised was stupid, it was actually far more likely for example, to be the postman asking him to take in a parcel for next door, instead it was Laura. The hollowed out feeling that he’d been fighting since Laura and Robbie had got together intensified to the point that he wasn’t sure he wasn’t going to throw up. He forced himself to smile,

“Oh, hello, come in,” he turned leaving her to shut the door and follow him back to the living room. Sitting down wasn’t an option, he couldn’t have done it if he’d been paid, so instead he propped himself up against the windowsill, blocking some of the light that came in through the net curtains but still leaving Laura in the light. He saw her looking round at the state of the room but he hadn’t allowed himself to back-slide and she seemed content with what she saw,

“Hello,” she said and then stopped and James thought that she was finding it difficult to come up with the words for what she wanted to say. She opened her mouth to speak but James interrupted,

“Please don’t let me down easy, that I don’t think I could bear. I’ve known how this was going to come out from the start, I’ll look for a transfer as soon as I’m back, if Robbie took leave we could probably get away with hardly overlapping at all at work.”

Laura gave him a thin smile,

“You’re jumping the gun a little aren’t you?” she asked, “I haven’t said a word yet.”

“Sorry,” he said but it was not so much an apology as a challenge, a dare to her to contradict him,

“First thing,” she started, “neither of us want you to go anywhere or Robbie for that matter. Your leaving was never an option as far as Robbie was concerned, he said, ‘It’s not his bloody fault I’m an old fool, my daftness shouldn’t screw with his career any more than it already has,’”

James smiled at that despite everything, without doing anything that could be considered even a take on his Geordie accent, he could ‘hear’ Robbie in every word of that quote,

“Will you not end up feeling … insecure …”

“No,” she answered with a genuine smile, “I don’t think so.”

 

The alarm rang and as usual, it was James that switched it off. He’d always been a morning person and really Robbie wasn’t, so he got up and out of bed, went into the bathroom for a moment and then went to make an early morning cuppa.

Ten minutes later he carried all three mugs in one hand back to the bedroom. Both of them were trying to hang on to the last few moments of sleep which gave him an uncommon chance to look at them both and to think how lucky he was. It hadn’t been easy, there had been some monumental rows while they’d all got used to their unconventional household but six months on James found it hard to remember what it had been like when he’d been on his own. He took a step towards the bed and put down two of the mugs on one of the bedside cabinets before picking up his own and walking to the other side of the bed and sitting down.

Laura stirred first, brushing the hair out of her eyes and sitting up slightly,

“Morning, love,” she said before leaning up to give James a quick kiss and then stretching. She leaned across Robbie to pick up her tea, taking care to elbow him in the back as she did, “Wake up, you,” she said and was answered with a groan and sotto voce muttering until he finally sat up.

“Drink your tea,” James said with a smile, knowing that his sleep deepened voice did wonderful things to Robbie’s libido was something that still gave him a thrill as did Laura’s reaction. Actually Laura’s reaction to anything that he and Robbie did together was still a delight to him, not that he didn’t appreciate seeing the two of them in the grip of passion either. Sometime he thought he ought to feel more uncomfortable about the whole thing, but then he reasoned something that was making three people so happy couldn’t actually be wrong.


End file.
